What is "boundary awareness"?

Simply put, it's about knowing the limits of what you can do and understanding the limits of what others can do.

People who lack a sense of boundaries are easily deemed as disrespectful and find it difficult to maintain long-term, stable relationships with others.

Whether in life or in the workplace, whether in family or friendship, we have all encountered people with weak "boundary awareness" to varying degrees: they feel very familiar with you, so they take your things without asking; they are very "concerned" about you and use this concern to dictate your life; they cannot manage their negative emotions and always dump them on you...

In modern life, without a certain sense of boundaries, even love can become a negative force. How to maintain the "breathing space" in relationships between people is quite an important topic.

图为航拍重庆南川山王坪秋色如画。胡波 摄

something uncomfortable

borderless behavior

01*

After a friend's breakup, she kept pouring out her sorrows to me, which lasted for over a month. Sometimes I would receive her calls in the early hours of the morning.

其实我知道，She treats me as someone she trusts and is close to, which is why she shares with me.，但时间一长，**对于一直接收她的负面情绪，并且还要对此做出适当的反应这件事，我也实在觉得有些疲累和压力。**有时候我自己心情也不好，或者当时我手上有其他要处理的事，但因为考虑她心情脆弱，会选择把自己的情绪压下去听她说。但我想，These suppressed emotions might erupt one day in the future, becoming the fuse that leads to the breakdown of our relationship.

In summary, it is hoped that there can be an appropriate balance.

Abellum sphaericus

02*

去年回家的时候亲戚聚餐，闲聊时我随口说了一句在北京工作生活压力确实挺大的。有位不算太熟的长辈听完加了我的微信，Since then, she has been telling me that she thinks I should work back home, forwarding me various job postings from our hometown, and explaining the various benefits and conveniences of living in our old neighborhood.，还会举各种很详实的谁谁谁又怎么样了的例子。

She seems to have developed a corrective "sense of responsibility" for my life, unable to bear the thought of me "suffering" outside, and insists on making me live the life she deems correct.

Later, I got really fed up, so I told her directly that I think I'm doing fine and she shouldn't worry about it. It ended up causing some unpleasantness, alas.

zihui

03*

In college, my roommate and I were great friends, and we both loved makeup, accumulating a variety of cosmetics.

有一次我收拾东西，翻出来好多用不着的小玩意儿，都是我用过一两次就闲置的。I would clean up while occasionally asking her: Do you want this? Do you want that too?

结果到第N次的时候，她突然有点生气地对我说：Don't ask me anymore, I'm not a junk collector.

我一下子愣住了，然后猛地意识到了我的问题：Although my intentions were good, and I thought the other party might be of use. However, this goodwill was too abrupt, too hasty, and too lacking in boundaries. Because from the perspective of the uninformed other party, those might be seen as "things that are a pity to throw away, so they are given to others."

If it were me, I would definitely feel offended as well. I should have at least explained the situation in advance and asked for the other person's opinion.

那其实是件很小的事，后来也完全没有影响我俩的感情，但那件事给我上了一课，Even the closest friends and the most solid relationships should maintain a gentle distance.

This distance, is politeness, is respect, is the most dignified component in a relationship.

Last name Joe

04

高中住校时遇到的一个舍友，我们宿舍每个人的储物柜熟悉了以后都不上锁，那个舍友就会When she needs to use someone else's things, she doesn't even ask before opening our cabinets and taking them.，一次两次大家还能体谅，次数多了我们都买锁子锁了柜子了，不问自取真的太让人无语了。

Xuanxin Mommy

05

之前在机场写稿子，The person sitting next to me has been watching all along. I write, she watches, and then she asks all sorts of questions, "What are you writing about?" "Are you a writer?" "Can you make money from it?" and so on.，后来我就不写了……

Huang Buhui

06*

I am an editor at a magazine, and this role seems to give some of my relatives and friends the impression that writing, editing, and publishing articles are trivial tasks for me. As a result, I often encounter the following situations: a cousin of my uncle, who is participating in a city-wide essay contest, asks me to "take a look"; an aunt's daughter, who has written a prose piece, inquires if I can publish it in the magazine; even my father sends me the competition speech of a colleague, asking me to "polish it up"... Once or twice is manageable, but it becomes overwhelming when it happens frequently.

Come across the river despite wind and rain

07*

记得刚工作不久，有个同事真的挺好的，我也觉得跟她在一起很舒服。有一天，一起吃早餐的时候，她说她从小不爱吃蛋黄，我说那就给我吧！Then she said, "That's great, in the future I won't eat the yolks and you can help me with them."。突然间觉得有些别扭，虽然后来就觉得其实也没什么，但是，却一直在心里忘不了。

Jiajia

Some considerate behaviors that make people feel good

01*

我的室友们就很有分寸感，我没返校，她们在寝室，有一次她们要用我没拆封的香油，还特意来问我，说卖给我们吧。I didn't end up taking the money, but I felt that asking was really good.

A guide to sleepwalking the galaxy

02*

高中生一枚，My mother would knock on the door every time she entered my room，再进来，真的好温暖。

Hold on to your shoulder and shake your shoulder

03*

When shopping, they don't follow me around constantly trying to recommend things; when getting a haircut, they don't forcefully engage in conversation with me, asking where I'm from or what I do for a living; before making a video call, they send a message to ask if I'm available now; in public places, they wear headphones when listening to music or watching videos; they don't make requests that exceed the boundaries of our relationship but that one party is too polite to refuse...

这些都是我觉得有分寸感的行为。可能，The so-called sense of propriety can also be described as a form of education that understands and considers others.

Linxueyuan

04*

很多时候，The sense of boundaries is particularly easy to ignore between family and loved ones.，比如父母可能会说“我不敲门怎么了”，另一半可能会说“夫妻情侣间看看手机怎么了”。但其实，Even the closest relationships need space.

我对象这点就做得挺好的，有一次，我心情特别不好，他问我怎么了，我说烦着呢不想说，他就真的没问，也没有生气。过了一段时间后，他突然问我：你之前心情不好，是有什么事吗，现在愿意说了吗？就是，Respectfully giving you space when you don't want to talk, but never truly indifferent, always keeping your matters in mind.

Singing in the white night

05*

I believe that helping others should also be done with their consent and preferably according to their needs.“看不得别人受苦”是一种善良，But also don't blindly impose your "helper complex" on others.**，如果别人不想让你知道他的苦呢？如果别人想保护自己的自尊和秘密呢？如果别人不想“被教做事”呢？**

这种情况下，直接戳破和过度热情对对方来说可能反而是一种残忍。Wait until they bring it up themselves, and then think of ways to help might be better.

对不是很熟的朋友如何保持分寸感，我觉得有一句话很合适：I do not ask about others' stories unless they are willing to share.

Don't run away, big-mouth fish

现代人越来越重视个人空间和社交距离，某种程度上更凸显了边界感的重要。A person with a sense of propriety and boundaries understands the importance of perspective-taking and knows how to refuse appropriately. They respect others while also protecting themselves. "Do not pry into private matters, do not publicly expose someone's shortcomings, do not impose on others against their will; understand the method, observe the timing, leave room, and skillfully avoid."

但分寸感和边界感，It is not about building a high wall between people and hearts, becoming indifferent and selfish, losing the true essence of friendship; it is not about closing your heart, giving up on caring for others and the world.，而是希望你能More consideration for the other's feelings, allowing a bit more space in your relationship, enables smoother breathing.

愿我们都Able to safeguard the joys and sorrows of one's personal world, while also embracing the genuine emotions of love and being loved, need and being needed.

中国新闻社（CNS1952）综合自央视新闻、新华社、网友评论
编辑：梁静
审校：魏园责编：宋方灿

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People with true foresight will persist in doing these three things: Night Reading

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A Sign of a Home Becoming More Prosperous: Night Reading

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Being a "light person," you will become increasingly smooth. Night reading.

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